sometimes i pray as if God is not listening.
sometimes i am crying out to be heard, not to be listened to.
sometimes i am talking to Him as if He cannot hear me.
because, really, in the deep recesses of my mind, i doubt.
so instead of changing that unconscious thought that exists as a foundation for my prayers, i continue on, as if God should answer my prayers, anyway.
I shout louder, I cry harder.
really, i may as well be shouting at myself.
because, really, i don’t want to accept that He is listening intently, to the words that fall from my mouth, or the thoughts that batter round my head.
because, really, I don’t believe a God-of-all would be listening to me, just me.
do i see Him with my mind to know that He is listening? it must be true, because the answers do not make sense.
do i look with my eyes to what i feel in my heart? it must be true, for I see only my own pain and confusion.
so how do i perceive God in my prayers?
because, really i know He listens intently, so why do i shout as if He is far away… or asleep?
because, really i know He wants to respond so why do i only listen to my words… instead of waiting for His?
and then He showed me…
He showed me a throne room for the greatest King that ever existed. a King that required permission for a request for an audience. you cannot demand an audience with such a king, you cannot storm your way in, expecting to be heard. you cannot demand an answer before you have seen with your eyes the surroundings in which you find yourself. you cannot demand an answer before your mind percieves the greatness of the splendour that lyes before you in that throne room.
you wait patiently, you wait with keenness and expectancy. because, this King will see every single person that has requested an audience. this King will listen quietly and intently to every single person that passes through the throne room. this King will answer every prayer and request with the greatest wisdom, empathy, integrity and judement that is not known to any man. Noone will leave having not been heard. Noone will leave without an answer, noone will leave bereft of understanding.
and if your still and quiet in that throne room, you can hear God listening, because the reply will be within your heart.
and how lovely it is to have access anytime, anywhere, to such a King and be granted a presence, don’t take it lightly, but proceed with boldness for He is waiting expectantly for you, to ask what is in your heart, that He may grant you, your desires.